“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.” (Luke 16:10)
I hate this verse. I really do not like it because it means I have to work and try and be in process, and I hate being in process.
I want to be exactly how I was intended to be right now – no process, no need to be perfected, just perfect, right now. Because I don’t want to walk through learning my own wretchedness or the pain of having it taken away from me.
C.S. Lewis put it very plainly, “…whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect—until My Father can without reservation say that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with Me. This I can do and will do. But I will do nothing less.”
I don’t like that I cannot be lazy in sanctification because it is hard. But if I were to be made “perfect” in a moment, it would not actually be perfection through the process of sanctification because to be perfect in a moment I would very much have to be made into a machine. A machine cannot love, obey, or be in relationship – it can only do exactly as it was programmed to do.
Now, I know I don’t want to go through the process, but I know more I do not want to be a brainless robot that is incapable of anything good or bad. That is worse than pain – nothing.
So, this leaves us all at an interesting place. Being faithful with where we are.
It is quite the interesting journey, to really steward the now well.
A few weeks ago, I began to learn what it looks like to steward little things now.
We were in the process of cleaning up from a gathering at church, and I decided I should help. We had talked about serving someone else’s vision and humbling yourself by doing tasks and being a servant at lower places than you feel you deserve, so I asked what I could help with.
I was given the task of getting rid of the rest of the cookies. Now, this may seem a quite simple task, but I was hoping to be given a job that seemed of more “importance”. So, I began asking everyone if they wanted a cookie. And you know what, I got rid of every one of them – no leftovers.
There was some laughing about it to myself simply because it seemed rather ridiculous to be so passionate about getting rid of cookie, but I was going to be faithful to the task I was given, so I gave my all.
When I heard humility is often one step lower than where you are, I didn’t totally understand what it meant until I was passing around vegan cookies so we didn’t have to throw any away. I felt silly and a little embarrassed the whole time, but that’s okay because at the end of it all, I was being faithful to the little task by helping serve someone else’s greater vision.
And if I’m being honest, though slightly embarrassing, it was actual kind of fun. And, I don’t actually hate that verse. I don’t think anyone is in love with the process, necessarily, because the process includes a lot of suffering, breaking and healing, and some unenjoyable journeys. But it’s not all suffering and pain – so much of it is filled with intimacy with the Father, joy, rest, peace, hope, unimaginably deep love, and I’m not in love with the process, but I am very glad for it all because there is no relationship I could find or imagine that has the richness and beauty I have found sitting on ashes on the ground at the feet of my Father. I guess it’s just perspective, really.
In lack of suffering, there is lack of vulnerability and intimacy. So I am glad for this journey that’s creates purpose and meaning, even if it too requires suffering. I want my process to be so effective and intense that “my prayer is that when I die, all of hell rejoices that I am out of the fight.” (C.S. Lewis)