Keep Going

IMG_1478“No more, I quit. I’ve had enough – I wasn’t made for this.”

I cannot express to you how many times I’ve just wanted to give up. It seems so easy to just say, nah, I’m not going to try anymore. Each time I begin to feel this way, there’s a very strong pull for me to isolate, to live in fear, and to be utterly consumed with myself. I’m too anxious. I’m in too much pain. I’m too afraid. I’m too broken. I don’t want to feel this way, but who does? Who wants to feel like they’ve had enough?

I’m often struck by how much it consumes my heart. How much discontentment wreaks havoc on my soul. My soul-hope and my soul-peace are often disrupted by the advances of fear and discouragement. Not only do I become completely drained by my thoughts of anxiousness and uncertainty, but I often just up and leave my friends and family to utter confusion as I draw deeper into myself, isolating to try to protect. This is where the restlessness kicks in – doing what I can to make the feelings of worthlessness go away.

Instead of chasing hard after believing the truths of the Holy Spirit, we desperately chase after the gratification that comes with good feelings.

We’re rooted in so much fear and hold on to pain hard and fast because at least it’s familiar – but now we’re here, and we just can’t do it anymore. We can’t keep pining after pain’s drive and “comfort”; we can’t keep letting anxiety motivate, selfish ambition drive, and the pride that comes with self-preservation attempts keep us living in a place of familiarity. Better to be living in a place of risk and discomfort than ignorance and ease – where do we grow from there? We don’t.

Coming to a place where you can’t take it anymore is a good sign there’s something wonderful on the horizon, but first you have to face the pain – I have to face the pain. Push just a little more – I know you don’t think you can handle anymore, but you are so much stronger than you could possibly imagine. Push through the pain, knowing through and through that you are not alone.DSC_0099

The wonderful thing is that Jesus is literally sitting right next to us, waiting for us to press in to His healing. There will be really sucky seasons that we have to walk through while pursuing the finish line of eternal life, and that’s okay. Because when we sit in the reality of the horrible and the wonderful of life, we are able to see the fullness that comes from the freshness of healing brought about by the Father because we know what it means to walk in the lowest places with the darkest surroundings.

I can’t do it anymore, and that’s okay because I wasn’t designed to do it.

Jesus is the one made to do it. Jesus is the one made to carry my heart, made to carry your heart, made to carry our pain, made to carry our suffering. What do you think was weighing Him down on the cross? Jesus already did all our suffering for us, so if you can’t do it anymore, that’s okay. You were worth dying for and that’s more than enough.

“What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” (Matthew 10:31)

Your burdens don’t have to be so heavy. You’re fears don’t have to be so consuming. BECAUSE YOU ARE SO VALUABLE. YOU ARE SO VALUABLE. So, if you can’t handle the pain anymore, push through just a little longer because there is so much more for you to discover in life. There is so much in store for you, for me.

Isaiah 46:4 lays out this wonderful promise – “I will be your God throughout your lifetime—until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you.”

So live loved because you are very much of that – loved.

So, at the beginning of this post, I began with a line from one of my favorite songs – “No more, I quit. I’ve had enough – I wasn’t made for this.” But, just like pain is not the end of our lives, this is not the end of the song. In fact, this was the opening line. Here’s the hope persisted throughout the rest of the song:

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“Goodbye regret

Goodbye alone

Goodbye to emptiness

Say hello to beautiful

Goodbye afraid

Goodbye ashamed

Goodbye to hopelessness

Say hello to beautiful.”

 

Say hello to beautiful – say hello to pain. In fact, welcome pain with open arms because pain is what produces growth. Pain is a part of life, and that’s okay. Remember you’re not alone in your pain. And once you face it, once you really know it, then you can say hello to healing. Say hello to God’s goodness in all of it, especially in the pain – and most of all, say hello to hope.

You are loved – beyond a shadow of a doubt, you are loved. Don’t give up.

HOPE – Hold On Pain Ends.

You’re going to be okay.

•••

With Love,

Hannah

 

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